When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The adults are the big ones right?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
