You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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