umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
