How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
