After last night, I could never be a politician.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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