I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
