hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
