what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
