theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize