this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
