Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
