i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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