she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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