His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i was born a porn star she said
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
