..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
