I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my phone needs a breathalizer
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
