I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
