so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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