I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The Olympian is in my bed
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
