remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
