Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize