Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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