and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
