i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
