i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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