Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
