Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
