what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
