just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize