i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
