The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
