is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
