ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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