at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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