Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
