I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize