before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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