I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
