I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
do nipples grow back?
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