my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize