I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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