wake up i wanna do it froggy style
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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