brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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