You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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