Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
