His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
