Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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