But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
