connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
