He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
They took my balls.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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