Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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