Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
