Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
