New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize