I'm going to jail i love you
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
