matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
