You smell like stripper and shame
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
