I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
