I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
