he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
