flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Holy sore nipples Batman
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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