When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
