is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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