Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize