Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
