so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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