that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
