Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
