How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
