I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
