i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
