Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I love having hate sex.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize