dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
