I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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