Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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