My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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