does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
