Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
