I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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