I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
