I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
