Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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