So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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