you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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