1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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