Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
