he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
