mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize