my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
