We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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