Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
