I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I want to have your abortion
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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