I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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