i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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