I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize