We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
