Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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