I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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