so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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