Jerry, you need to find god
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
