i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He shit in the fireplace
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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