I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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