I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
