everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
