it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
